Bhutan diary

I am sitting in a small retreat  hut   overlooking  a beautiful  valley.  Below is the monastery which is quite huge and spread out.  There are 400  monks living there, about 80 young monks in the lower school , who range in age from about 6 to 14.  They live in small dormitories with teachers supervising them. 

The other monks are participating in the Shedra, philosophical training school which takes from five to eight  years.  They start out as novice monks and then at age 20 receive full ordination .  That is if they want to continue to be monks. About half of the boys leave before this.  They were sent to the monastery to receive an education because their parents were too poor to send them to school.  They live together, chant together, and study together in different levels supervised by the senior professors, khenpos.  

At different times of day I can hear them chanting very joyfully, sometimes they are in the temple, other times they are doing a circumambulation  around the temple, singing very enthusiastically.  I can time my day by their activities, their wake up bell goes at 4.30, then the gong starts inviting them to the temple for their morning prayers. Throughout the day, I hear the different gongs and bells for different activities as I go about my  own day’s activities.  

I am living in the retreat centre, up the hill behind the monastery.  It has a most beautiful outlook, over the valley on the mountain opposite is   a  medieval looking  Dzong – huge ancient fortress  The  river rushes below and the sound of that water is the background to all the day and nights’ activities.  This particular  valley is famous for many sacred temples, monasteries and sites holy to Guru Rinpoche  who is considered by the Tibetan and Bhutanese Buddhist to be the second Buddha and who brought Buddhism to Tibet and Bhutan, and other saints of the Buddhist tradition in Tibet and Bhutan

When I am not busy with English teachings, or preparing lessons, I am able to undertake my own personal retreat.  My little hut is one amongst about eight others which are occupied by monks from the monastery.  I remarked to Rinpoche that I rarely saw people bring in food to these monks.  He said, ”they all live like Milarepa.”  (An historic monk who subsisted only on wild herbs.)

My little hut has a small kitchen and Rinpoche has provided me with a small two burner stove, refrigerator  and a rice cooker.  I could eat in his kitchen the food that is prepared for him and his attendant monks,  but I  find the food much too hot, being always predominated by chilies, mixed with a bit of cheese. I was able to find imported oatmeal in the local market, and I had brought some miso packets with me from Australia. Cooking the oatmeal with some local greens, like spinach and ginger, and then adding the miso, its quite nourishing and satisfying. I also sometimes just eat the Tsampa, the ground roasted barley flour that the Tibetans tend to eat as their staple diet.  It’s quiet nourishing, they add some butter salted tea (which I don’t have a taste for,) but I add some miso soup  and it’s fine.  After a while, when I am doing a lot of meditation , food doesn’t seem  to be much of an issue, all I need is enough to keep me going, and anything warm and simple is fine.  I have subsisted like this before in India, and lose interest in food, but when I return home, I have found myself a bit undernourished or deficient in protein and iron.  

Of any place I have lived, in India or other countries in Buddhist monasteries, Bhutan is undoubtedly the most beneficial place to do retreat.  Here the environment is so much pervaded by a profound spiritual force, it is tangible.  When one  sits for meditation, it is like tuning a radio into a satellite, which in this case broadcasts profound spiritual energies.  It felt to me like being embraced by the support of centuries of  yogis and practitioners who seemed to welcome me and support my concentration and faith in the practices.

  Bhutan is a living spiritual country where the Buddhists  work hard to preserve their most precious asset, which is unquestionably their profound living  Buddhist heritage.  Having seen what happened to  Tibet and Sikkim, being absorbed by their powerful neighbors China and India,  the various Kings and  governments have been careful to ensure that Bhutan has allies, and is recognized in the United Nations as a sovereign nation.  The country walks a very fine line between desire for development and increasing their national income, and the need to preserve their precious spiritual heritage.  They are famous through the world for identifying “Gross  National Happiness” as more important than GNP of other consumer driven countries.

Being in the country for awhile one meets many foreigners who have been invited to provide foreign aid in the areas of technological education, agriculture, and other aspects of education and development.  While these people come filled with a degree of pride as to what they can offer to this backward country, in many cases I have heard from them directly that they in fact are deeply affected by the faith, hardiness and strength of the people due to their profound Buddhist beliefs retained within their cultural life.  

My first visit here was in 2001.  I had met  Rinpoche in Sydney in September 2000, he came during the time of the Sydney Olympics.  I had heard that this Rinpoche was coming who was a friend of another Bhutanese Rinpoche  with whom I had been studying for about l0 years.  The arrangements were being made by an Australian nun , and part of the events were being held in the Blue Mountains where I lived part of the week, and in fact there was to be an empowerment at our  house in Black Heath.  I was sharing the house with another woman who was also a Dharma practitioner, and somehow the arrangements were made for the two day empowerment to occur at our house.

I didn’t think much about this Rinpoche, not knowing anything about him. But the night before he arrived for a public teaching at the town hall in Katoomba, I had a  dream in which Guru Rinpoche appeared and said, “I am coming to visit you.”  It definitely was a powerful  auspicious dream, but I didn’t give it too much importance.

Rinpoche gave a  public talk at Katoomba town Hall which had a large turnout of about l00   people.  Ani Lodro, an American nun was the translator.  The empowerment was a White Tara a healing practice,  and many old students came from up north, and even New Zealand to participate as it was a special practice.  I found Rinpoche very sweet, but also a little unapproachable,  probably due to the fact the he did not speak much English.  His attendant  was very friendly and easy to talk with, and he did the  casual translation, while Ani Lodro translated the  formal teachings.

He was traveling up north to Vajradhara Gonpa, and also Canberra, and I went to Canberra to attend his teachings there, which was attended by many Bhutanese students who were living there and studying.  It was interesting to see him    with his own  country men who did some kind of traditional dance and welcome. The Guru Rinpoche empowerment that he gave was extremely powerful.  I felt very moved by it,  but found the practice itself quite complicated when I tried to do it.  It was from a special tradition that  he holds called Northern Treasures.

Rinpoche was due to depart for India and back to Bhutan, but somehow there  was a misconnection with his flights, and he needed to spend an extra day in Sydney.  I organized for him to spend the day at my friends Jim and Victoria’s house, where I prepared dinner, and various people just hung out.  I felt inspired to ask Rinpoche if I could study with him…..He said , “Yes, come to Bhutan, but come soon as I am going into three year retreat shortly.”  That was quite a surprise as invitations to Bhutan are not easy to come by.  

His attendant  told me who to contact and how to make arrangements for the visa and travel as an invited guest, which fortunately avoided all the extra costs that tourists to Bhutan have to   pay.  As I organized my trip in a few months time, I also began to feel strongly   that I wanted to ordain as a Buddhist nun.  

My first  Indian teacher,  Baba Muktananda had strongly encouraged me to undertake the monastic life, and I can honestly say I had a good share of resistance to it initially, as I felt it was a huge responsibility, and wasn’t sure that I was up to such a  disciplined life.  Also with him as a teacher, being a monastic meant being trained as a teacher, as it was a teaching order that he was ordaining   some of his older  students into.  But he persisted with many various means of persuasion, and finally I examined myself carefully inside and decided that I trusted him to make such a decision for me, whereas I had experienced enough that following my own whims and preferences had not lead to such beneficial outcomes.  

I loved my life as a swami and monastic, because I always felt myself being a real extension of my teacher, being a conduit of his transmission.   I felt satisfaction in the life of service, and gradually become confident as a teacher.  He sent me to live in Australia to run one of his meditation centres, where I remained for six years, including after his passing away in l982.  But I found the  divisive politics that arose after his passing to be stifling, and was not comfortable to remain within the organization as it had evolved after his death.  

I disrobed and found myself having to reinvent myself into something that I didn’t really have much interest in.  But nonetheless I  had to create a life for myself outside of the protective environment of the guru’s house  which had been my home for l5  years.

I had never really wanted to discontinue the monastic life of dedication and service, but was forced to disrobe and go back to work to support myself.   Within me I had always wanted to return to that kind of life, and now somehow after meeting  Rinpoche and observing my friend Ani Lodro and how she lived as a nun,  I decided I would make the move and ordain as a nun in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition.  

  I had no illusions about it, as  the Tibetans, being refugees from their country which was taken over and occupied by the Chinese,  are in no  position to provide support for western monastics.  Traditionally after ordination,  a monk or nun  goes to live in the monastery    with their teacher, and is trained by them, but clearly that was not an option for western monastics.  But I organized my finances so that I knew I could be self supporting.  I was running a yoga teacher’s training program in a college, and there was no problem for me to wear monastic robes in that role, it was quite suitable.  And I was almost 60, so I could count the time when I was eligible for some social security and pension, and could live my life simply on a very limited income.

I had communicated my    interest through his attendant  and it had been confirmed that Rinpoche would perform the ordination ceremony on my visit to his monastery in Bhutan. 

When I arrived in Bhutan, I was  fascinated by the culture, it was very different from India where I had lived for nearly 10 years , and had a lovely  colorful charm .  The country has carefully protected its religious heritage and lifestyle, and it is clearly the underlying rhythm of life.  People are all deeply involved with the Buddhist practices in some form or another.  In particular Rinpoche’s monastery was located in an area in an historic  valley of central Bhutan where  there were many living temples and places sacred to    various saints in the Tibetan tradition.  

When I arrived in Paro, flying in from Kathmandu,  I found my way to Thimphu and a small hotel in the main street where Indian   tourists frequented.  I had to obtain a further visa to travel to Rinpoche’s monastery, about l2 hours drive north.  There was only one bus which went 2-3 x a week, so I had to get the  extra road permit to travel   and then a seat on the bus.  The roads were quite horrific, very narrow, with two cars trying to  pass one another, one often was just hanging over the edge of huge ravines, as the road wound its way  up the mountains. It was also disconcerting that the toilet stops consisted of stopping on the side of the road , where there was a ravine down on one side, and a cliff up the other side, one just had to squat and  to lift one’s skirt (pants and underwear were most inconvenient) and get on with one’s business.

When I arrived at the monastery, the monks were very standoffish with me, I don’t think they had had much contact with westerners at all.  The one word they have for foreigners is chillip, which means tourist.  But once I received the ordination from Rinpoche and began to wear robes with a shaved head, I looked like them and they became more comfortable with me.  They showed me around to the various holy sites in the local valley , and I was able to obtain permission to enter into the holy temples which are normally off limits to tourists. I was granted permission as I was obviously a monastic and a student of Rinpoche who is greatly respected throughout Bhutan. 

The visit was brief as the visa is only granted for two weeks.  The next trip I was able to make during Rinpoche’s three year retreat, but I was not able to see him as he was in closed retreat and only his monks were allowed to see him.

A couple of years later I spent time in Darjeeling studying Tibetan language.  I also visited a young Rinpoche whose family was in Kalimpong, nearby.  My friend Ani Lodro was also visiting there, and she was invited to have lunch with the Queen Mother of Bhutan whose summer home was in Kalimpong. I was invited to accompany her and we visited the home which had been part of her family’s property as she was from the Royal family of Sikkim which is very close by to Kalimpong. She and her family had been host to the l3th Dalai Lama on several occasions when he had to seek refuge away from Tibet due to pressure from the Chinese government.  She showed us his various relics and items of personal use. She was extremely gracious and devoted to the Lamas and her practice.  She was the mother of the  4^th King as he was called, and had been responsible for building some of the most precious and beautiful temples in Bhutan.

As I had a trip planned to visit Bhutan  again in a few months, she kindly invited me to attend one of her very special holy ritual ceremonies  that she sponsors in one of the grand royal temples in the valley where the monastery was.   When I arrived in the valley  I made contact through her security guard and was invited to participate in the ceremony that was being conducted by one of the lineage holders who was visiting Bhutan to conduct a series of empowerments.    She most graciously showed me all the precious relics in the extraordinary temple that housed a 25 foot statue of an eight headed Heruka statue.  

I was not able to meet with Rinpoche during this visit as he was in secluded retreat, but his monks and secretary were most kind to me and saw that I got transport and everything that I needed on the trip.

Several years later I attended a very large Rinchen Terdzod empowerment that was held over a period of three  months in a monastery in Dehra Dun in Himachel Pradesh, India.  I only discovered after arriving there that Rinpoche was conducting the morning verbal transmission daily.  I was able to visit  and spend quite a bit of time with him.  

As a result of that renewed contact his attendant called me in Australia and asked if I would come and teach English to Rinpoche and spend a long period living in Bhutan.  I was somewhat nervous about it, but it was also a most precious opportunity to spend time with him and live in his monastery.  

We had formal classes daily, and though I had a few books to work with, his needs were for specific kind of language which we developed as we went along so he could use English as needed when western visitors came.  In Bhutan most of the people learn English in school as it is part of their curriculum and you find people able to speak quite well.  Rinpoche, however, had been recognized as an incarnation at a very early age and went to live in the monastery from about 4 years of age.  As his tutor did not put emphasis on English study, he had never learned English.  He commented he felt he could not fully benefit beings unless he was able to speak English.  

I met Rinpoche in Delhi and flew with him to Bhutan.  We  travelled from the capital Thimphu to his monastery  which is  about an eight hour ride. I was riding with some of the monks behind Rinpoche’s  car.  In these days of mobile phones, news was out all along the way that Rinpoche was on the road, so in many villages we would see clouds of incense  smoke, where the devotees  offer juniper branches over a fire, as an offering of respect, and lines of people along the road with their white offering  scarves.  Rinpoche always took the time to accept their scarves from his car window . He knew very well that some of the villagers would have walked for hours from their village as there was no bus or transport.  

While Rinpoche was in Thimphu he was incredibly busy. He often stayed at the house of another devotee, and other nights came home.  But every time he was there, there was a constant stream of people coming to see him. He was also being invited to different houses and requested to do consecrations and blessings, reciting texts for long hours.

The monks were busy around him all the time, accepting offerings made to him, giving out blessing cords, etc.

When it was time to drive to the monastery  the trip was made in three cars, with the entourage of monks, and myself .  His car would stop briefly as he accepted offerings and gave blessings.  About midway, a group of people met our caravan, and we all stopped at a very nice restaurant where lunch was served.  There were some tourists there at the same time. They were most  curious to see ‘a western lama’ as they called me, and wanted to talk with me and took a photo of me with the other monks.  A novelty for their scrapbook I guess.

As we proceeded on, and got close to the valley where his monastery was, another large group of people were waiting with a large smoke offering, burning juniper branches.  The cars all stopped and  Rinpoche and we all ascended, and then walked up the side of a   hill, where a small  canopy , carpets and a picnic had been laid out.  This picnic reception  is part of their tradition, that they welcome Rinpoche as he enters into the boundary where his monastery resides.   We sat and drank tea and ate  pizza.  There was a very cute little tulku sitting there, about 7-8 years old, very cheeky and bright faced.  Another  young monk  Rinpoche introduced as having completed his western education. I found out later that was Rinpoche’s half brother.  Same father, but he was married to the two sisters, different mothers.

As we  drove into the monastery itself, there  was a huge crowd to greet Rinpoche. I just found my way to the guest house and was helped there with my luggage. Later I went up to Rinpcohe’s room, but he was busy receiving all the monks, welcoming him back after being away for several months in Spain.

During the course of the English classes Rinpoche was telling me how the simple farmers are very content people.  One of the agriculture ministers decided that they could increase their income by planting   two rice crops, in a year rather than just one they were accustomed to.  After the harvest of the second crop  he encouraged them to train the other farmers, so they could increase their revenue.   Their  response to him  was that they were content with one in a year and they could then go on to Bodhgaya (the  holy place of the Buddha’s enlightenment in India) for the winter season.  

Somehow we got onto the subject of his previous incarnation who had escaped from Tibet.  The Chinese had not yet entered into the area where the monastery was, but the Rinpoche had suddenly gathered a few monks and followers and departed, coming into Bhutan, just before the Chinese invaded the valley, destroying the monastery and killing many monks.

Travelling with him was  a Tibetan doctor who is now a very close friend of Rinpoche’s.  He’s in his 70’s but still practices medicine very actively, particularly the herbal medicine as well as the golden needle and acupuncture, which is rare for a Tibetan doctor.  The doctor had  told  him the story of how  his previous incarnation passed away,  that he sat up in meditation and remained in the meditative state  for several days. This was an indication of his high meditative attainment. 

Amongst the  group of monks who were there observing his passing , one was impatient to travel on to another destination,.  He rolled up a piece of paper into a cone, inserted it into Rinpoche ear and whispered some mantras.  Shortly after that, Rinpoche’s head dropped, and his body collapsed , the meditation state finished.

Two years ago Rinpoche went on a pilgrimage with some monks and local families to the pilgrimage place of Senge Dzong, known as a place of practice for Yeshe Tsogyal and Guru Rinpoche.  Apparently during an empowerment the flower of Yeshe Tsogyal had fallen in to the place of Vajrakilaya and she was told that was the deity of her past life connection and she should go and practice the sadhana.  She went to Senge Dzong, which has a rock formation that looks like a lion, thus the name.  She practiced and tamed and subdued many local spirits.  Guru Rinpoche also came and practiced there with her.  It is a very distant, high place of pilgrimage.

To get there Rinpoche and his party had to travel one whole day from the monastery to a village near to the holy place.  There they took on  some horses arranged by a local branch monastery to carry their luggage, bedding and food.  The then walked for three days to the location of Senge Dzong.   Each night they stayed at a local house, which he described as very dirty, empty.  There they cooked their own food, and slept on  thin blankets on the floor.

But when the arrived at the Dzong itself, there was a cave, and then a temple outside and they did l00,000 tsok offerings there, staying for three days.  Rinpoche said he was very happy there and had some good dreams.  He also said some of the people  in the party became very ill from the altitude.  There was fortunately  a doctor  with them who gave medicine, and had he not been there, one of the young boys may have died from altitude sickness.

Rinpoche said that some Vajra friends of his who had gone there at another time, had seen Guru Rinpoche in the water of one of the lakes there.  They thought it was just a mirage and looked up and again saw Guru Rinpoche in the  sky above them.

Rinpoche described a particular Tibetan medical treatment involving  letters, printed on very fine paper which is eaten and helps to remove symptoms of conditions believed to be caused by spirit obstructions.  Rinpoche was having problem with high blood pressure at Mindroling when he was giving the  oral transmission  for the Rinchen Terdzod.  I saw him at that time and there was a lot of concern for  his health.  Six hours a day of oral transmission, reciting the Tibetan text has to be utterly exhausting.  and it went on for over three months, each morning from six a.m.  to 11.30 a. m. 

Rinpoche said at that time the high Lama conducting the empowerment  called him and gave him this  particular  letter printed on paper  which Rinpoche swallowed.  He said he felt better after that, so he then had faith in this method of healing.

 Rinpoche also spoke about a particular lake nearby  his monastery where there is a very strong presence of a malevolent demon,  and if anyone comes near to it, there are huge storms including hail which destroys the  crops of the local farmers.  The government does not allow anyone to go into that area except one priest who does pacifying pujas and offerings .  Rnipoche also told  me about a particular protector ritual that had been held at the monastery and some of the monks had seen a huge fiery ball depart the temple at that time, which they described as this particular demon.  

After that conversation a young monk came to see Rinpoche .  This monk  obviously had some kind of deformity on his face,  it looked like he had had  a stroke, one side of his face was pulling down, but he was only in his 20’s,  Rinpoche said something to him and then said to his attendant  who was translating that it was the  effect of this particular demonic energy.  

I then proceeded to tell him about my experience at Bir with a very tangible  disembodied energy telling me to take the knife on the table and cut my throat.. It was a huge struggle to resist the force of this malevolent  energy.  

I felt like I was  fighting with some kind of negative energy force. A couple of hours earlier, I had been teaching a yoga class.  A group of scruffy young local Indian boys came for the class, and were very disruptive. I found my Hindi expletives useful, as I told them to be quiet, sit still and pay attention.  In the process of the class, I touched one of the boys, making a normal yogic adjustment.  I had the distinct feeling that this negative energy had been taken on from that encounter.  

  Finally the struggle  abated,  I remembered the Guru, and  to say  the mantra . But with exhaustion, I laid down to sleep.

The next day my neck started to swell up from ear to ear, the throat started to swell up inside which was a worry as I   was beginning to have  difficulty swallowing or breathing. 

In the meantime I decided to do what I had done once before when I had felt the presence of a negative spirit and then become very sick, in Kerala. When I arrived in Bir,   I had sought advice of Chokling Rinpoche and he referred me to Gaudi Lama.  He is a completely mad character, quite a star in the film “The Cup” about monks in Bir who wanted to watch the world cup.

He is highly eccentric, a real ragamuffin type, crazy yogi, but is known for his ability to do certain things, one of which is to exorcise  obstructing spirits and that was what I was requesting from him.

At that time I went with a friend a doctor living in Bir and we both underwent three days of water cleansing  ceremony with all kinds of chanting and incantations, pouring water over our heads.  At that time my friend  said the Lama would take the offerings we gave him and go gamble with the young Tibetan boys in front of the shops on the main street.

This time he was living next to the Chokling Monastery office, where fortunately there was a young monk who was able to translate for us.  A couple of friends joined in for the occasion, not sure whether they believed  in it or not, but taking the opportunity to try it out.  His room was unbelievably chaotic. on the table next to his bed were various components of old tormas, vajra bell, rice strewn all over, under the bed was an obvious chamber pot smelling of urine.  

As we told him what was needed, he said he could not guarantee but would do the cleansing ceremony.  He proceeded to rummage around on his bed, behind him, on the table, asking us to hand him bits and pieces  from other places in the room and proceeded with the ceremony.

Just watching him it was difficult to suppress the giggles, his behavior was  beyond eccentric, yet, the result was tangible, and I for one believed in it because he had done it for me previously a couple of years before for a similar situation.   So we sat there, giggling at his antics, which the translator monk was also doing, hard not to find his erractic behaviour amusing.  

Being of pragmatic mind, however,  in addition to the  cleansing ritual for  an obstructing spirit, I also went to the Tibetan clinic where a nurse practitioner, a Tibetan man gave me an injection for some kind of allergic reaction.  I was happy to take anything at that point it had been going on for about four days was looking decidedly ugly, with a swollen, inflamed throat and could have had even more serious consequences.  Fortunately, whether from the injection or the  purifying ritual, the condition subsided.

These kind of things leave me uneasy, it’s hard to believe in the spirit influences that are so much a part of the Tibetan, Bhutanese  and for that matter, many indigenous cultures.    But on the other hand, the circumstances leading up to  the  condition where inexplicable from any rational view, so I was happy to “have a bet both ways”  as the Aussies would say.

There were many sacred temples and monasteries in the valley where we were residing, and the monks would often take me there. The resident monks would accept my visit though tourists were usually not allowed, and they proudly showed off their ancient sacred  treasures which were kept under lock and key in chests .  For some years precious items had gone missing from various national temples, so an inventory was now maintained and they were preserved as a valuable part of Bhutanese heritage.  After visiting one or two of the temples I would return with flea bites all over my legs and arms,  wherever I touched the old wooden floors.  I spoke to another foreign woman who had lived there for many years and she said the same thing always happened to her.  The natives said these fleas were part of the protection of the ancient temples and only troubled foreign visitors.   

As Rinpoche’s English became more fluent, he began to tell me stories about his own life, or his previous incarnations.  One was  a story of how he was recognized by H. H. l6th Karmapa.  The Karmapa was visiting his village , and Rinpoche had been taken there by his mother.  He was just six years old.  The Karmapa asked a policeman to bring a particular young boy to him, who happened to be Rinpoche.  Rinpoche being very young, was frightened, and as he was sitting on the Karmapa’s lap, he got upset and began to cry, so the Karmapa sent him back to his mother.  But he requested that he be sent to see him the next morning.  Rinpoche was taken there by his mother, the Karmapa  brought him close and cut a piece of his hair.  Apparently later the Karmapa said to some of his attendants that that young boy was the tulku (recognized reincarnation)  of a well known Lama, , but nothing was said to him  or his family or publicly  at the time.  Later, the Karmapa came again to Bhutan,  and Rinpoche was formally recognized as an incarnation. 

One day during our class, some crows were making a lot of noise in the garden outside.  Rinpoche said that one of his teachers had  realized the nature of the mind, when he heard a crow call out.

One day Rinpoche was telling  me the story about how Bhutan  had became  a nation, and how the King of the time had visited the United Nations to establish Bhutan as a sovereign nation.  Rinpoche  was very chuffed that he himself visited United Nations and sat in the seat designated for the Bhutanese representative.   He went as guest of the Bhutanese representative of United Nations

We have been talking about Dalai Lama and what a wonderful diplomat and ambassador he is for Dharma in the modern world.  We have talked about how he is open minded and can talk reasonably with people of all  faiths, showing respect for all traditions while representing his  own faith.  Rinpoche said when he was in Spain the Pope was talking about different faiths and referred to Buddhism and the Dalai Lama. We speculated that the Pope was taking a page from His Holiness book on diplomacy.

During this time The Dalai Lama  was invited to Taiwan by the Taiwanese president.  This naturally aroused tremendous opposition from the Chinese Government.  The president  told the media, and therefore speaking also to the Chinese, that His Holiness had been invited to do  prayers for the hundreds of people who had recently been killed and homes destroyed during a big typhoon that had struck Taiwan.  The CNN news report showed a photo of His Holiness meeting the vice president a woman who  is apparently a defiant voice against China.  It appeared to me that she was unfortunately using His Holiness’ visit to make some   points that she wanted to make to China, which would just add fuel to the fire whereby they always charge that he is undertaking ‘separatist’ activities.

AS part of this conversation Rinpoche told a fascinating story from the Rinchen Terdzod. Contained within that is a terma ( revealed text ) teaching discovered by a terton about l00 years before, during the time of Jamyang Khyentse Wangpo.  The treasure contained a prediction by Guru Rinpoche about this particular Fourteenth incarnation of Dalai Lama, that he is an incarnation of King Trisong Deutsen, his name was given as Gyatso, and it was said by Guru Rinpoche that he would be very famous, wherever he went  in the world, that people would listen to what he says.  But that he would also have very big obstacles. 

Its always said living with a teacher is like a fire, if you get too close you get burnt, and if you stay too far away, your spiritual aspiration cools down.  It’s certainly my experience living near such a pure master, that my faults get clearly mirrored back to me….which is a most valuable gift.  Only what we are aware of can we strive to purify. 

  When he reveals his sweet simple nature like an innocent child, it is so   precious and such a treasure.    I aspire  that I can  practice diligently to make this time with him really worthwhile, not just being dependent on him, but imbibing his qualities so that my own hard self centred nature actually changes,  and I can  reflect his qualities in my own mind, heart and practice.

We have come to Paro  where Rinpoche annually conducts a Drubchen,  a l0 day ceremonial ritual  for the Royal Grandmother.  The temple is very beautiful and very small so it’s not possible for many people to attend, other than the monks performing the chant, and invited guests of the Queen Mother.  I was invited for one day, and squeezed in for a morning session. The protocol around the royal family is quite daunting, so many ‘dashos’ rushing around taking care.  I was introduced to the Queen Mother who I had also met about six years ago.  She had with her one of her granddaughters who had spent some time in Australia, where I had met her there.

Another day I came in the afternoon to see one of Rinpoche’s attendants.  There were police cars everywhere, and as I  was walking up towards the temple,  the  procession  Royal  cars passed me.   In the parking lot I saw a tall figure in white goh and yellow shawl who was it turned out the fourth king coming to the Drubchen.  There must have been 50 police and army cars around, and the place swarming with officers securing the premises.

Durng the lunch breaks and evening after the puja, lines of people would come to see Rinpoche, sometimes l00 at a time.  My friends Matt and Clare came to visit from Sydney.  I collected them at the airport along with the manager of Amankora hotel where they were booked to stay.  They settled into the hotel and that evening I took them to see Rinpoche who was most gracious with them. 

 The next night the manager  had asked me to give an informal Dharma talk at the hotel as they had a full house and he said the western guests always ask where the women are, when they see only monks. So I gave an informal  Dharma chat and question and answers sessions, and spent the night at the hotel, having dinner and breakfast with my friends.  

I spent as much time as I could with them, walking through rice paddies, watching the locals  roast and pound rice for food.  They went on to tour several other places in Bhutan  with the Amankora Hotel chains’ team escorting them around. 

In the meantime the Drupchen finished, with a 2 a.m.  start on the last day, and hundreds of people came for the final empowerment.  At that time I got a sense of how chaotic these things can be, and how the Bhutanese clamour over you to get close to the lamas.  It was quite frightening at 5.30 am, as everyone was  put into lines so that the Rinpoches could pass through giving the blessings at the conclusion.  People really pushed and jostled in the dark to get their positions.  

 Rinpoche was scheduled to give a couple of public empowerments  at local schools in Paro and  Satsam Chorten.  I had not witnessed this kind of  scene before and was astounded actually.  There was a new large hall, and I attended with a friend of mine, Ani Karma who is a nun student of Rinpoche who lives in that area, and who I meet  every time I come here.  When we arrived the hall was packed, but we were let in and then Rinpoche indicated for us to sit on the stage with his monks.  After that we were invited for lunch, and the empowerment  began in the afternoon.  I had not seen that thousands of people had congregated outside awaiting the blessings, and it took Rinpoche a very long time again to make his way around through the crowds, which fortunately the police keep into some kind of order.  After he concluded that, we all  jumped into cars following Rinpoche and went onto the next school where the same scene was repeated, this time in a tent.  Again Rinpoche moved through the crowd of hundreds of people.giving blessings by tapping people with the vase on the top of their head.  

Then on to another event where he was consecrating a new hotel, and finally on to have dinner with the Dudjom Rinpoche Yangtse.  

The next day there was a public  fund raising meeting for the Foundation that has been started to support Rinpoche’s dharma activity.

Several hundred people had come to attend a meeting where the initiatives of the Foundation  were presented.  Rinpoche gave a lovely talk   saying that he has not been able to say no to any boys who are brought to the monastery, that  they are often orphans or children of poor parents.  He said to do so felt like refusing them the opportunity to practice Dharma.  Now he is supporting 550 monks in the monastery as well as 7 branch monasteries, and appealed for help to sustain the practice and preservation of the Dharma.

Afterwards there was a huge public wang in a nearby large hall, and again thousands of people congregated in side and outside.  Afterwards there was dinner and some lovely  national songs and dances expressing the Bhutanese national pride and spirit. 

A few days later Rinpoche was in Thimphu busy giving pujas and wangs.  I found out that he was giving a special empowerment to the  doctors at the Indigenous Medicine Hospital, a particular medical lineage that only Rinpoche holds.  He was also giving a public wang just prior to that, so I grabbed Clare and Matt and took them in.  The two halls were full, but I talked our way into sitting right in front of Rinpoche, and it was lovely for Clare and Matt to participate in a formal blessing ceremony which introduces the participants to the energy and wisdom of different forms of the Buddha in this case, the Medicine Buddha.

That afternoon we had a lovely  picnic in the forest above Thimphu and then went for a hike along the hills to a monastery about two hours away.  I was very appreciative of the Amankora’s western menu.  The staple Bhutanese diet is chillies cooked with cheese and dried beef.  None of these agree with me, and literally Bhutanese eat them every meal, so sometimes I really struggle to find anything I can eat, or go to my room and make   oatmeal with miso which is my alternative to chillies and dried beef.    

The next morning I had arranged for my friends   to again meet Rinpoche, and this time for a very special blessing.  The Bhutanese request a blessing called kago from the lamas whenever they are experiencing obstacles or any mental disturbance.  According to their faith, the Lama is able to remove the obstacles or obstructing forces that may be contributing to the situation.  So Rinpoche transmitted that for them this morning, and was terribly sweet and loving , transmitting an enormous amount of blessing to them.  I think they left Bhutan feeling very touched by the spiritual presence that is so alive in Bhutan.

When I knew I was coming to Bhutan I contacted a woman who lives in the Blue mountains on weekends, who is the honorary general counsel for Bhutan in Australia. She helps the Bhutanese who come to study in Australia, and also maintains communications for Australians in Bhutan.  She put me onto a Bhutanese/Australian friendship group email line and put me in touch with a nurse called Sally currently doing volunteer work in Thimphu.  I spent a lot of time having lunches with Sally and meeting other westerners working in Bhutan. 

 Her time was up to return to Australia and she hosted a  Farewell party . It was attended by  many of the medical staff from the local casualty unit and hospital (which is always useful for a heart patient to know) as well as many other westerners working in Thimphu.  It was fun to meet many people from different countries, , and the highlight of the evening was asking every  country. group to get together and sing a song representative of their country.   Nepal, Bhutan, Holland, Britain, us, Australia., and the US.  Each was very unique and a lovely expression of their national pride or unique culture.  We sang Kookaburro sits in the old gum tree.  Since I did not grow up in Australia, I didn’t know the words, but did a reasonable facsimile of the laugh that I hear up in Katoomba.  

Recently Bhutan has been subject to a number of natural disasters, in May as part of a local typhoon that affected the local region of Bangladesh and India, they had floods, then in September a series of earthquakes.  Being a highly religious culture, the local people began to ask themselves why was this happening? Was there a deterioration in the faith of the people that the local spirits and elements were out of balance?  

They appealed to Rinpoche to come perform certain practices and pujas to help restore the balance of the elements, so Rinpoche had to go there to conduct them, including in his local village , where his branch monastery was badly damaged in the quake.  The young King also went to meet the people, and cooked food for the students, and slept in a house that had been badly damaged.  

An interesting story about those quakes was told by a friend.  She was traveling to the East of Bhutan with another friend who works for Danish Development Agency active in Bhutan for many years.  She had a branch office opening there and was going for that

purpose.  When she was trying to make the arrangements, the local manager told her that the Lama who was doing the consecration ceremony said it could not be done on the day she was requesting, it was not  an auspicious day.  Being a very busy person, my friend was slightly annoyed and tried to negotiate with the Lama, but he was immovable.  He did concede to give it on the day prior to the requested day.  My friend went there,  the office was opened, and the next day they departed back to Thjmphu.  The disastrous earthquqke occurred six hours after their departure on the day identified as the “inauspicious day” by the Lama.  My friend contacted the Lama and apologized to him, acknowledging his wisdom in prediction!!!.

 One morning I was in the Telecom office trying to get my email connection into my computer.  A very smart looking monk came in doing a similar thing.  Seeing me he asked, “Do you know Tenzin Palmo?  I said, “yes I know her well.”  He said, “Khamtrul Rinpoche of Tango Monastery has invited her here, she is coming on the l9th.”  I then contacted a mutal friend, Ani Lodro, currently in Germany doing some work for Khyentse Rinpoche’s retreat group there,  who forwarded an email to Jetsunma’s nunnery.  A few days later I received a call from one of her assistants, an Australian  woman, Monica who I know well.  She said “ We are in Thimphu,  we got your message, and can you come see Jetsunma at 3 pm?”

I was very happy to meet her again, I manage to see her often in Bir or at her nunnery which is situated between Bir and Dhamsala..  We caught up on all mutual friends and international dharma activities.   

The next day she was giving a public talk at the YDF nearby.  I went in the morning and met my western friends all who are very happy to have any teaching in English.  It was the intelligentsia of Thimphu society there, writers, psychiatrists, and also some young people.  I admire Jetsunma’s straightforwardness .  She is not afraid to tackle controversial issues head-on.  Praising the specialness of Bhutan’s Buddhist culture, she talked about living  Buddhism in one’s  Daily life, saying its one thing to go to the temples, offer butter lamps, participate in pujas, and make offering to the Lamas.

 But she went on to address how  Buddhist practitioners should be able to maintain the practice of loving kindness and purity in their home and family life.  “How can it be in a Buddhist country that men   get drunk and go home and beat their wives and children?” she asked, She was addressing a current issue which has received a lot of international support here in Bhutan as  women and children are being protected now, due to  involvement of international aid groups.  

During the question and answer session  a local Psychiatrist asked about the current practice of utilizing certain Buddhist practices with mentally disturbed and depressed patients.  Another woman speaking at the end said it was the first time she had received Buddhist teachings from a woman and they all encouraged Jetsuma to come again.  Later in the afternoon she was meeting one of the Queens who is  a big supporter of nuns, which is of course, Jetsunma’s pet project.  

During my stay there, H.E. Dungse Trinley Norbu  Rinpoche  a very highly esteemed Lama, and father of another of my teachers, came to visit Bhutan after many years absence.  It was a hugely moving event, when he met crowds at a chorten in Thimphu that had been dedicated to his father, Dudjom Rinpoche.  The crowds were huge and many people were not able to get into the gates of the chorten. The gates were closed and even people inside were pushing and shoving trying to get close to him.  His son was keeping people at bay to protect his father’s health, and it was evident that Rinpoche was deeply moved by the fervor of the people. As he walked in he opened his arms wide in a gesture of embrace .                              

It was a profound gesture of love for all present.  But still people pushed and shoved, to the point it was frightening, as we had a young child with us who had to be put on someone’s shoulders for protection.  

Later on he went to visit Rinpoche at his monastery and stayed in the valley for some time.  

Trinley Norbu was travelling with a large group of his western students, many of them young who had been personally tutored by him.  He had a beautiful video shown of them performing a special dance to Guru Rinpoche. Their costumes, and movements were extraordinary, precisely executed and timed.  It was profoundly moving.  During his visit he had some of his students perform pujas, and had young women acting as the officiates.  This was an extraordinary sight for the monks as in Tibetan tradition, women rarely perform such roles.

 One afternoon in the house in Thimphu Rinpoche was  giving bodhisattva vows, and several wangs.  After the wang he gave out blessing objects to be taken around for the people and asked me to do it, which was a most unusual act as there were many monks present.  It seemed he had been impressed by Dungse Rinpoche’s gesture at putting women forward.  Rinpoche said, “Nuns should do this. “  There were many women present at this empowerment, so perhaps he wanted to encourage them.  

Afterwards he invited some friends  and I into his room for guru yoga teachings they had requested.  The teaching was very complete and answered all questions that were in my mind regarding practice towards the end of life. Importance of maintaining view and awareness of guru Rinpoche in all  sights, sounds and thoughts. And to do dream yoga    merging mind with guru in the heart when falling asleep. These alone will help at time of death he said. 

As the weather in the north turned cold we headed south to Phuentsoeling on the Indian border where it was much warmer.  All along the road we would encounter huge clouds of sang smoke, giving indication that devotees were there at the side of the road awaiting Rinpoche’s blessings.  Mobile phones seem to have facilitated this hugely, as it occurred in village after village, and then as we approached the college where Rinpoche program was scheduled, the road was lined with  hundreds of students who had been there since afternoon. 

AS we arrived in Phuentsoling we visited an army camp where some relatives of Rinpoche’s lived.  The crowd there was extraordinarily well behaved as they lined  up to greet Rinpoche.  We were also invited in for lunch.  As I was a lone nun the hosts didn’t know where to put me, so they put me in with the other mothers and children.  I found this often happened, as nuns are treated relatively poorly in Bhutan people did not know how to behave towards me, as I was an exception, a western nun and obviously educated.  Sometimes I ended up alone with monks, as the women left the room when it was time to eat.  Quite strange, but I tried my best to keep up with the prevailing protocol and not cause any offense, yet often did not understand what was expected of me.

Rinpoche remained in retreat for some months there, and no visitors were allowed with the exception of his monks, or other high lamas who visited.

At conclusion of his retreat he went to  visit the army camp again.  This was signal to people in the town that his retreat has concluded  and word went out. The next morning as early as 7 am the lines started at the gate and , continued throughout the day.  Women came  with their  babies to be blessed,  others came requesting purification kago ceremonies which they believed removed malevolent spirits or obstructions in their lives.  Rinpoche had a special implement that he used to touch people with on their heads as he intoned various prayers and mantras.  During that day  hundreds of people  passed through until late afternoon, I watched in fascination at the loving symbiotic relationship between the people and their lama.  Rinpoiche at one point said, “ you must find this all quite strange?”   I said  “No, I found it touching and beautiful even if it was not something that I could personally understand it was lovely to witness it.”   There is a  high level of  interaction that appears to be connected to superstition and beliefs  within the  culture that is inherent in their upbringing and relationships to the lamas and their religious faith.  It’s something an outsider can never understand or enter in to, nor can it be dismissed as merely superstition as it so evidently is profoundly meaningful to the participants.  

When it was time to depart Bhutan after almost a year there, Rinpoche insisted that I travel to Bodhgaya as it was the season there, and there was a direct flight out of the Paro airport to  Gaya airport.  Rinpoche also helped make arrangements so I would have one of his secretaries to travel there with.  He felt I should see and spend time in  the place of the Buddha’s enlightenment.  I was able to stay at a  western monastery with  clean healthy food and other nuns to hang out with.  I  participated in the moving circumambulations of the Bodhi Tree with thousands of other pilgrims  and meditated under the Bodhi tree where the Buddha had attained enlightenment.  The time there was deeply moving as one mingled with thousands of pilgrims of all countries,  and observed the different robes of the monastics from so many Buddhist countries. 

It was  a significant conclusion to my year in Bhutan.  One cannot find sufficient words to express gratitude to such a kind teacher.   Lama la chab su chio .  

Conclusion: How an accomplished yogi faces old age sickness and death

Conclusion:

At the conclusion of his visit to each city during his world tours, Baba gave a particularly  exalted  talk on how  Life is a play of light and shadows.  This was always a sublime teaching, filled with the highest truth, beyond duality of a seeker, a Guru or anything to be attained.   I find it  a fitting conclusion  for helping  to determine the value of what occurred within our lives, minds and hearts as a result of contact with Baba Muktananda.

If  we choose to hold onto the light of what we received from our time with Baba as a treasure that can carry us to the highest realization of our own nature as consciousness we can fulfill the great aspiration he had for each of us who had contact with him and practiced sadhana and meditation under his guidance. 

Alternatively if some choose to allow the shadows of his actions to submerge their perceptions into a murky sphere of doubt and disillusionment,   then again that is a choice leading to the   irrevocable consequences of that perception.   It is not a question of denial or rationalization.  What he did cannot be excused from certain standards.  However in order to make a fair assessment, for the purpose of his and our own spiritual legacy,  a vast open perspective and deep understanding of the tantric tradition  is required .[1]

 Through attempting to understand his actions and motivations, throughout the entirety  of his life and the impact on the tens  of thousands of people whose lives were touched profoundly by him we can discriminate rather than judge. We can touch forgiveness and compassion within our own hearts towards ourselves and others on the path.  In each case we experience the world as we see it,” Ya drishti, sa shristhi” was one of Baba’s most frequent teachings. 

 Excerpts from Baba’s talk “Play of Light and Shadows”,  

“If  you were to examine your life with an outlook filled with the knowledge of humanity, you would realize that it is nothing but a play of sunlight and shadow, that it is not different from a drama, or from a joyful dream. This play of creation is filled with unique colors and manifestations. Like clouds in the autumn sky which keep forming and dissolving, forming and dissolving, in your life different colors shine and sparkle for a while and then fade away.

 “Virtue turns into sin, sin turns into virtue.  Joy turns into grief, and grief into Joy……  Behind everything there is great Love. There is Consciousness. There is the Guru's compassion. There is the extraordinary, yet subtle desire to be reunited with the Self. You will be awakened within. Can you be awakened? Can you drink the nectar of your own love? With the knowledge of That, can you recognize your own Self in countless forms? When it arises within you, you will be truly alive.”

This article is written entirely from the original notes and transcripts of notes that I made during my time living with Baba in India and on tour.  It is not intended for any kind of publication, nor to represent any kind of official presentation of information.  It reflects my own experiences and perception. As such it may or may not be helpful to others in digesting their own ultimate assessment regarding their legacy from Baba.  it can be  shared with friends for such a purpose.   

---

[1] Berzin, Alexander. Relating to a Spiritual Teacher: Building a Healthy Relationship.
Part II: The Dynamics of a Healthy Student-Teacher Relationship   This book available through Berzin Archives on the internet provides one of the most thorough and culturally beneficial of many books that have been written on the issue of betrayal between teachers and students. 

How an accomplished yogi faces old age, sickness and death Part 5

Heart Attack 1977

Baba had been saying that it was important that he attend the birthday celebrations,, no matter what the cost, he had to be there.   His presence was vital for the success of the yajna and the yajna had important consequences for his future work.   On the morning of his birthday May 3^rd , l977 Baba warned his doctors and nurse that this was going to be a very bad day for him.  Before he left for the yajna he warned them  to have injections and pills ready.

“It was the tensest hour of my life,” Dr. Thakkur said later, describing some of the important episodes in Baba’s illness.  “First, he told me that I should watch him carefully, that anything could happen.  But then he made me sit up on the yajna platform with my  wife and participate in the yajna! This is what a Siddha is like.  I have never been so scared!  All the time I was sitting there I was listening, afraid that at any moment Baba might collapse.”

Typically, Baba had turned his own crisis into an occasion for one of his devotees to do intense sadhana.  Moreover, even though many of the devotees had heard the news that Baba was in danger, we all noticed how good he looked, how strong his voice was, how perfectly he performed all the ceremonies connected with the yajna, even when they involved physical exertion.

“He wouldn’t let us take a cardiogram that morning,” Dr. Thakkur said,  “I think it was because he knew that if he let us see what was really going on we would have insisted that he rest.  That evening he had some pain.  The next morning at 6.l5 we went in to take his pulse and found that it was double the normal rate.  The cardiogram showed that he was having a major heart attack.

“But the most serious part of the attack came later in the afternoon when all of a sudden Baba’s heart beat slowed down to almost nothing.  He remained in that state for 15 minutes, and for a while the doctors actually thought we had lost him.  Then, quite suddenly Baba opened his eyes and came back to normal consciousness.  He looked at us and said, “What are you doing?  I went to see my Baba and he told me it is not time for me to go yet.  Now go eat your  lunch.”

“Since then, except for minor complications his heart beat has been stable.  After the morning episode, two eminent doctors were called from Bombay.  They came immediately, and have been here ever since, on call for Baba whenever he should need them.  Sophisticated heart care machines have also been made available for him.”

“Baba really is controlling everything”. Dr. Thakkur said.  He always knows in advance when there will be trouble, and he lets us know what the bad times will be.  Today he told us that there would be a minor complication, and there was.  But it was definitely minor, and easily controlled.  My opinion is that Baba has arranged his heart attack for himself.  He said a few weeks ago that if he had one full heart attack, that would be the end of the angina pain.  It has happened just like that for the last two nights, he has had pain-free sleep for the first time since all this began in February.

“Don’t think that I am taking care of Baba.  Baba is taking care of me.  For ten days Noni and I sat up all night in the Nanavati hospital watching the screen of the cardiogram machine.  I should have been tired but I had more energy than I’ve ever had and people said they never saw me looking so good.  I used to sit there watching the lines on the machine and feeling so much joy.  Once Noni said, “You must be repeating your mantra in rhythm to the lines.’  I said, ’No, I’m not repeating it, it s going on automatically.”

Even in his critical condition Baba continued to give instructions about the business of the Ashram.  Moreover, one of his doctors said that sometimes he looks at Baba as he lies on his bed and sees that Baba keeps making gestures of blessing.  It seems to him that at those times Baba is feeling the anxiety and concern of his devotees, and that he is reassuring them that really, everything is going to be fine.

                                           

Third World Tour 1980

 In spite of his health problems in India, Baba undertook a Third World Tour .  Because of his weakened health, there were now many people to assist with his work. There were managers to work in the different ashram around the world, and Swamis had been initiated and trained to teach and run Intensives and courses.  Baba’s major work was to meet people and to  continue to give Shaktipat on a very large scale.  During his visit to Miami, he had some heart problems and the doctors did surgery and put in a pacemaker to assist his heart in functioning. 

 When we were in Los Angeles for several months  word began spreading  that Baba was having  sexual encounters with some of the young women students.  Several long-term students were leaving the ashram with stories about hypocrisy, and  breakage of vows of celibacy.    

At one point I mentioned to Amma, Swami Prajnananda, with whom I was working closely what was happening and being said.  She relayed this information to Baba, and within a short time he called me into his room for a discussion.

“What are people saying?”  he asked.  I replied that people were saying that he was not a true celibate, though he advocated celibacy for his students but was behaving differently.  There was particular concern as some of the girls in question were very young.

Baba said three things in quick succession.  Each statement was like a short pithy sutra, which required a lot of commentary to become clear, or like koans which a seeker had to investigate repeatedly, using the information given to knock against the rigidity and hardness  in the mind, until there was some softening of limited conceptual ideas and consequential breakthrough of genuine understanding on the highest level.

Those three statements were: 

 1) Would I be able to give Shaktipat if I were having sex with those girls? 

2)  Siddha Swatantra Bhavaha ( simply translated as a Siddha behaves with a freedom that is beyond normal expectation), and

3)  A snake charmer is not afraid of a snake.

 After those statements to which I made very little response at the time,  I was dismissed from his room.

Those statements have been a good platform for my probing behaviours that from an ordinary perspective were disturbing and have  sadly brought  great discredit to Baba’s name via internet posting.   My interpretation of them at this time is:

1)   Would I be able to give shaktipat if I was having sex with those girls?

According to the texts it would not be possible to transmit a powerful shaktipat that gave an experience of the highest truth  if the sexual fluid of a yogi was not flowing upward.  This was a complicated matter, required suspension of limited understanding and an in-depth understanding of technicalities  of  higher yoga tantra.

After we received sannyas initiation in 1980 Baba had a meeting with our group of newly initiated swamis and gave us instruction on how to give shaktipat.  We were to be sent out to different parts of the world to do his work, giving intensives and giving shaktipat to people in that context. 

As he was showing us technically where and how to touch people for the best benefit, he also said, ”You must be very careful.  If your practice is not strong enough, the bad karmas of the people you give shaktipat to will come in to you…and that will destroy you.” 

That warning has stayed with me, even though I did in fact give shaktipat transmission as a swami in Intensives in different parts of the world over the next two years.  Each time I would pray intensely to him that I was just a conduit of his grace, and feel distinctly  that it was his energy flowing through me.

After his death, I did not  consider for a moment that it was appropriate to give shaktipat.  Over the years, however, I have observed a couple of students who did give shaktipat as a feature of their work as meditation teachers.   They seemed to be imitating Baba, yet in close examination it was clear that their motivation was in fact not altruistic.  There seemed to be a great deal of self serving intention accompanied by very little genuine practice.    Two of those men I observed came down with very mysterious ailments that debilitated them and they have been unable to recover from.  I doubt that they had received that warning from Baba, or if they had, they chose  to ignore it. And who can say if their ailments were a result of giving shaktipat without sincere intent or practice. The ways of karma are mysterious…yet unfailing.

After traumatic and divisive events that occurred in Siddha Yoga in 1985.   I chose to disrobe and depart the unfolding chaos and fanatical behavior that had swept through the SYDA communities.  I was also personally subjected to harassment for my support of Swami Nityananda

Confronting my own Guru brothers and sisters and Swamis on the road to Badrinath in l994 and feeling the force of their murderous intentions as they attempted to drive Guruji’s car and our buses off of the steep mountain road brought a huge reckoning into my mind and heart.  If they were capable of such horrific intentions and behaviors, who was to say that I was immune from such extremist views?  I undertook rigorous therapy and self analysis for years following.   I wanted to dissolve into anonymity and went to study within a Tibetan Buddhist community.

 I also wanted  to practice with Tibetan Buddhist teachers and  focus on the practices that developed the heart and humanity: compassion, humility, loving kindness.  I needed to know that I  myself had made headway on eradicating the potential for anger, hatred and judgment within my own heart. 

I spent considerable time studying and practicing in Nepal, Northern India and Bhutan over the years, choosing to ordain as a nun in Bhutan because I wanted to return to a life dedicated to sadhana and service as Baba had indicated emphatically to me that was my destiny.   Naturally, because of my many years at Baba’s feet, everything I took in and learned was filtered through my experience and the teachings we had received from Baba.  I continually filtered out the cultural superimpositions that were meaningless to me as a Westerner and my in depth exposure to Indian traditions and culture.

The manner in which initiation, diksha or transmission is given in the Tibetan traditions acknowledges the possible negative effects that can come into the Guru giving the initiations.  Students are generally required to purify themselves through extensive preliminary practices, repetitions of hundreds of thousands of mantras.  They  committed  to doing the practice on a daily basis, as well as recite daily a prayer for the master’s long life.  These precautions were intended to lessen the detrimental effects such transmissions could  have on the longevity and health of the Gurus.

 Understanding these dynamics I was able to have a much deeper appreciation of  the demand and  risk to Baba’s  health through his giving shaktipat on such a mass scale.  By the end of his Third World Tour the numbers in the Intensives were 700-800 and each participant  would expect to be touched personally by Baba.   Baba was 70+,  had had serious health conditions related to his diabetes, a massive heart attack and a pacemaker put in place in Miami. The demand on Baba’s life force and physical health was enormous.  There was no question of students having purified themselves, whomever  paid the price for the tiny space in the packed Intensive halls had the expectation of receiving shaktipat.

The l6th Karmapa, who had visited Baba on two occasions in India and Ann Arbor and with whom Baba had a very loving and warm relationship was a very high level master in the Tibetan tradition.  He died in a hospital in Chicago in 1982.  Prior to his death, it was reported that his body would manifest symptoms of a particular life threatening condition.  The doctors would rush to try to reduce the severity of the condition and save his life,  and then mysteriously the whole condition would recede.  Again shortly thereafter he would display symptoms of yet another life threatening illness.

 According to the reports, this happened several times.  The attending doctors and nurses were utterly mystified at this, they had never seen anything like this previously.  Some of his close disciples who were attending him closely told them that His Holiness had taken on the karmas of many disciples over the years, and those condtions were manifesting themselves in his body in this manner.  Yet it was also observed that the Karmapa seemed to have no concern for his own condition or welfare, but showed great concern for the attending physicians, nurses and staff. 

2. Siddha Swatantra Bhavaha. A Siddha is beyond the conventions of ordinary society.

Baba used to give examples of his own Guru Bhagawan Nityananda, and of Zippruanna, and Hari Giri Baba, all of whom behaved in ways   at times very difficult to understand, yet the ultimate benefit and outcome to those around them was undeniable.

  In Bhutan one of the patron saints is known as Drukpa Kunley.  His life stories depict repeated episodes wherein he would interact   with women spontaneously, apparently  having sex with them as a vehicle of blessings and transmissions. Drukpa Kunley was one of those unorthodox and subversive tantric teachers who constantly broke the rules of convention and "everyday morals" to lead his followers in a sort of shock therapy into the spiritual dimension behind the accepted and fixed rules and religious rituals.

One Bhutanese Rinpoche told a story of this particular yogi, intending to illustrate  how such masters acted spontaneously for the benefit of others.  He described a scene where the master was walking through a hillside village with one of his disciples.  “Wait here one moment,” he said to his student.  He then jumped into the window of a nearby house and had sex with a women inside.  When he returned he said to his student,” One of my disciples was about to incarnate into the body of a cow, and I had to save him.”

 This story  was told to us  as an example of  spontaneous compassionate action. However the western women in the audience immediately erupted and said, “What about the woman? That was rape.”    The teacher was very taken aback--  consideration of the woman’s experience  obviously had never entered his mind.  I found consistently within those cultures it was simply assumed  the women were quietly complicit and honoured to be party to the yogi’s beneficial work.    This highlights some of the deep cultural disparities that occur regarding  gender  inequality  and  sexual behaviors.

 3.)  A snake charmer is not afraid of the snake.

As I was living with and often attending some of the  tantric masters and Rinpoches of Tibet and Bhutan I observed much that helped me  greatly   in understanding the tantric influence inherent in the path Baba set forth: awakening of the inner energies of Kundalini. It is the sexual energy that is transmuted and utilized in such initiations, therefore the details about these have always been  veiled in secrecy.  Great potential for misunderstanding and abuse lay in these areas of tantric initiations and practice. 

 I also began to observe behaviors towards women that held beliefs that Western practitioners find basically abhorrent.  Within most of the Asian cultures, including India, Tibet, Bhutan, Thailand, women are  subservient to men, the slightest glint of equality is simply not even allowed to arise.   Women are the property of the men, and thus utterly compliant.

 Along with this was the prevailing  belief that the vital energies of young women are  essential for aging masters to help restore their flagging vitality.  In the Tibetan tradition, when a master began to experience health problems, even if he was a monk, he would move outside of the monastery itself, taking a young consort.  There was a firm belief that this would extend his life.  In time those women became recognized as great practitioners themselves through their service to their husbands.

From observing and understanding this I was able to comprehend why Baba had began to undertake interactions with young women close to him.  Technically speaking for an urdvareta, or a tantric master in the Tibetan tradition as well, there should never be emission of semen.  That is what constitutes celibacy for such an adept yogi.  Interactions with females for the purpose of testing or strengthening  the inner transmuted energy. did not equate to breaking celibacy.  It was in fact how the yogis would increase their stores of the powerful transmuted energy which could then be utilized in their work. 

Reports that I personally heard were that Baba did not have any kind of erection, that there was no penetration, and no emission of semen.  It was repeatedly described as not sex in a normal sense.  Yet for young women who may have not been previously  sexually active, there was simply no other way to understand Baba’s behavior with them.  Had Baba been able to speak English and explain to them that he was seeing them as a living manifestation of the divine shakti, Kundalini energy that he needed to increase in his own system in order to be able to give shaktipat to others, would it have made a difference?  Other girls loved every moment of their encounters with Baba as filled with love, blessings and powerful spiritual energy, again describing them as not being sex in any ordinary sense.  Several told me that their own sexual energy was purified and refined as a result.

 It seemed apparent to all of us ex-swamis and other close disciples of Baba that he undertook these interactions in an attempt to maintain the strength of the energy needed to meet the demands of    the students who were intensely craving for spiritual awakening.  He was able to maintain  his levels of inner energy, through the contact with the young women, transmute that through his yogic powers and continue to give shaktipat, despite the considerable weakening of his own physical condition.

Despite any ill effects to his health  Baba continued to give shaktipat.  He did so with great compassion and belief that only through inner awakening would people come to experience genuine happiness.   There was no question of people undergoing any kind of preparation or purification which is known to reduce danger  to the teacher’s health.  Whomever signed up for the Intensive received Baba’s touch.  There were 800 – 1,000 people in Intensives in Fallsburg the last summer. 

Towards the end of the tour and the last summer in the Fallsburg ashram Baba made a shock announcement at the conclusion of his Guru Purnima address.  He called Swami Nityananda forward, placed a garland around his neck and declared, “This man will be my successor.”  That announcement brought reverberations of surprise and recognition that Baba himself was preparing to conclude his work, and his life. As the attention of the large audience turned to Nityananda, Baba quietly walked out of the hall.  As he did so he appeared tired and somewhat frail.  It dawned upon us all that his life may soon be coming to an end. 

Baba returned to India and continued on with preparations for the Pattabhishek, the transferring of the power to Swami Nityananda and Swami Chidvilasananda whom he designated would be co-successors. After that occasion he also began to withdraw from a lot of public interaction, sitting silently  in the darshan line.  He commented to those close to him, “I am happy to talk to children and the dogs.  People are so unkind to each other, they just want to complain and criticize.”

In the  months prior to his taking mahasamadhi. Baba  continued to give shaktipat . The small room in the center of the meditation room adjacent to his quarters had been demolished.  Only those close to him knew he had directed this in order to prepare for his Samadhi shrine.  It  had been turned into  a large meditation room. Somehow the word got out, though it was not public at all that Baba was giving shaktipat in that room during the Shiva Mahimna chant.  People went in clamoring for the receipt of his grace.

 I went in one evening and was overwhelmed by the level of intense emotion on the part of the people who were wanting to receive shaktipat from Baba.  The  room was thick with emotional fervor.  Baba went around in what was a totally dark room and touched people in different ways. Some reported that he was hitting them with his foot at the base of their spine, others that he was blowing into their noses with his own breath, or repeating a mantra into their ear.  I actually felt a bit uncomfortable in that room. I felt I had received so much from Baba over the years, it was almost indecent for me to be in this atmosphere of intense grasping.

I learned later that Baba had several young girls attending to him during that time, he would go into his adjacent room, have various interactions of an apparent sexual nature, and then return to the seething room to give shaktipat. 

I never returned, and shortly thereafter returned to Australia, only to be advised in a couple of months that Baba had succumbed to  a major heart attack.